Holmes is where the heart is

I almost wanted to cry when I saw the recent pictures of Katie Holmes looking defeated. But then I turned my attention to the fact that I wanted to cry over a picture of a celebrity. I let it sit with me a moment and then.... I burst into tears, at how sad THAT concept is!

Perhaps she caught a squirt of onion juice and was merely squinting at the cameras? More likely story.

- Hair lacquer
- Fresh oysters
- Fabric softener
- Fresh minted checks
- Chanel's entire repertoire
- Prune juice
- Cold leather gloves
- Smoking credit card
- Prozac
- Almond oil
- Soiled Diapers
- Creme brlulee

Spend a good half an hour staring at yourself with hardened gaze in the bathroom mirror in the morning. WIth porcelain hands like the Queen of England, glide the ointment over your face. Recite a line from (insert stoic quote from Joan Crawford Movie or Glenn Close). Repeat this bathroom performance daily in order to activate the secret ingredients of the perfume: regret, disdain and emotional botulism. Eat your heart out Nicole Kidman, Katie's on the make!